How EMDR Can Help You as a Couple
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapy is a powerful approach for healing the effects of past experiences that continue to shape your relationship today.
Heal Past Wounds. Rebuild Connection. Move Forward Together
When one or both partners carry unresolved trauma, it often shows up as patterns of conflict, emotional distance, or feeling stuck.EMDR has proven benefits for healing trauma, anxiety, and depression — and emerging research suggests it can also improve relationship satisfaction. Although EMDR is traditionally offered as an individual therapy, integrating it into couples’ work allows both partners to heal together in a supportive, guided process.
Is This Right for You as a Couple?
EMDR-informed couples’ therapy may be a good fit if you and your partner are:
- Struggling to move past a shared trauma (e.g., an affair, serious illness, accident, or loss)
- Feeling caught in cycles of conflict or emotional distance, despite wanting closeness
- Hoping to deepen your connection, but finding that old wounds keep resurfacing
- Already in couples’ therapy but sensing that unresolved trauma is holding you back
This approach works best when both partners feel committed to the relationship, have a basic sense of emotional safety, and are willing to support each other’s healing journey.
Ways I Integrate EMDR in Couples’ Therapy
Working with a trained psychologist can help you move beyond patterns that keep you feeling stuck as a couple. When we integrate EMDR into couples’ work, my role is to guide you both with care and help you feel safe as you explore the experiences that continue to shape your relationship. Together, we focus on creating an environment where you feel supported — not just by me as your therapist, but also by each other — so that healing can become a shared experience.
EMDR Protocol
If you and your partner have experienced a shared trauma — such as an affair, the loss of a child, or a serious accident — the EMDR Couple Protocol is often a gentle and effective way to work through that pain together. Here’s how I would guide you through this process:
Assessment & Preparation – We’ll begin with a joint session and then I’ll meet with each of you individually to understand your experiences and ensure you feel ready.
Building Safety as a Couple – I’ll help you develop a shared sense of safety and trust so the relationship itself becomes a supportive resource.
Identifying Target Memories – We’ll work together to identify the experiences that continue to trigger distress.
Processing Together – I’ll guide you both through EMDR processing during the session, focusing on the shared experiences that affect your connection.
Strengthening Positive Beliefs – I’ll support you in choosing and installing a hopeful, constructive belief about your relationship (for example, “We can face challenges together”).
Body Awareness & Support – I’ll show you how to use gentle bilateral stimulation to support one another as you process, helping you feel calm and connected.
Closure & Integration – We’ll end each session by grounding, reflecting, and ensuring you both leave feeling stable and supported.
Review & Next Steps – At the start of each new session, we’ll reflect on what has shifted since our last meeting and decide where to focus next.
My role is to guide you at a pace that feels safe and respectful for both of you, so you can move through the work without feeling overwhelmed.
Integrating EMDR with Other Couples’ Therapies
Not every couple comes in with a single shared trauma. Many couples I work with feel caught in recurring conflict, communication struggles, or old wounds that resurface in moments of stress.
In these situations, I often integrate EMDR with approaches such as the Gottman Method or Imago Relationship Therapy to help you address both the emotional and relational aspects of your challenges.
With the Gottman Method – EMDR can help you process past hurts that fuel defensiveness, criticism, or withdrawal, so you can engage more easily with the tools and skills you learn in therapy.
With Imago Therapy – EMDR helps you work through the deeper, often early life experiences that get activated in your relationship, allowing you to communicate with more empathy and understanding.
By combining these approaches, we can address not just the patterns you see in your relationship today, but also the roots beneath them — helping you move towards a more connected and balanced partnership.
My aim is always to guide you with warmth and respect as we explore these experiences together.
EMDR isn’t about reliving the past — it’s about helping you release the weight of old pain so you can build a more secure, supportive, and fulfilling relationship.
Benefits of EMDR-Informed Couples’ Therapy
01
Relational Healing
Relief becomes associated with your partner’s presence, not just therapist support
02
Greater Intimacy
Reduced defensiveness, greater empathy and emotional closeness
03
Breakthrough Moments
Helps couples move past stuck relationship issues that resist other therapies
When It Might Not Be Right
- Ongoing abuse or unresolved trust violations
- One or both partners don’t feel safe being vulnerable
- A partner might misuse what emerges in therapy against the other
- Difficulty self-soothing during emotional work
In those situations, starting with individual therapy or foundational couples’ therapy may be more appropriate before introducing EMDR.
What to Expect in Our Sessions
- Initial Consultation: We’ll discuss your relationship history, goals, and whether EMDR integration is appropriate
- Assessment & Preparation: Creating safety, stabilising emotions, identifying the areas where trauma is affecting your connection
- Integrated Sessions: When ready, we introduce EMDR processing in a way that supports both partners
- Ongoing Support: We monitor progress together, adjust our approach, and ensure you both feel heard and safe
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
No. Many couples come to EMDR not because they’re in crisis, but because they want to move past blocks — such as unresolved pain, communication challenges, or recurring conflict — and build deeper connection.
It varies. Some couples begin to notice shifts in a few sessions, while others work over a longer period. We’ll discuss your needs during the initial consultation and create a plan that feels right for you.
Yes — provided there is enough emotional safety. I guide both partners carefully, ensuring you feel supported and not overwhelmed.
Yes. EMDR is woven into your ongoing couples’ therapy process — for example, alongside the Gottman Method or Imago Therapy. It complements, rather than replaces, relationship-building work.
That’s completely fine. We can start by focusing on building safety and connection first, and come back to EMDR when you both feel ready.
Begin Your Healing Journey Together
Healing doesn’t have to happen alone. EMDR-informed couples’ therapy—integrated with Gottman and Imago techniques—offers a way to move forward as a team. EMDR for couples is a promising, emerging approach. While it shows encouraging results, research is still ongoing. We will always prioritise safety, readiness, and your emotional well-being in this work.
Get in touch
Getting started with therapy takes courage and I’d be honoured to guide you along the process. Reach out any time with your questions, book an appointment, or learn more information.